When it comes to dinner dates, single women often tend to offer to pay for their meal. It makes them feel independent. Career women have a tendency to project an aura of self-sufficiency that works to their advantage at the workplace, but not when it comes to dating.
21st century relationship crisis
Modern dating social etiquette has drastically changed in terms of distribution of material goods and male/female earning incomes. A few decades ago, the male was the sole provider, taking care of the family and using his courtship skills with the aim of finding a female with whom to establish a family. Procreation used to be the main motivation for male/female encounters.
Currently, the freedom to be single for as long as you like and the lack for incentives of being in a relationship or getting married are interfering with the natural cycle of male/female courtship patterns.
The power game: money talks
Men often fear that woman will take advantage of them. Some men assume that all women want is their money. Women, on the other hand, are confused when in comes to independence. They do not want to seem too submissive and let the man dictate the rules. Nevertheless, women get annoyed with men who do not take initiative and lack determination. It has become a vicious circle.
In her Oct 30, 2005, New York Times article entitled "What’s a Modern Girl to Do?" Maureen Down states that since the publication of the The Rules (Fein, 1995), women returned to the pre-feminist mindset of “playing hard to get” in order to attract male attention. Nevertheless, the modern carrier-driven single woman is completely self-sufficient and financially independent. No matter how hard she tries to hide her powers and strong personality, when it comes to dinner dating, the independent single woman will offer to share the bill to assert her independence.
Dinner date or courtship feeding
In her book The Alchemy of Love and Lust (1997), Dr. Theresa L. Crenshaw uses Helen E. Fisher’s theory of drawing a “parallel between Western dinner dates and what is called ‘courtship feeding’”(Crenshaw, 1997: 166). Fisher explains that men use “courtship feeding” as means to obtain sexual favors from females. In the book, Dr. Crenshaw exposes the concept that “by providing food to prospective mates, males show their talents as hunters, providers, and worthy partners.” (Crenshaw, 1997: 166)
Courting game rules in dinner dating, based on Dr. Crenshaw’s theory
- A man gets the dinner check when his intentions are courting and seducing the female
- A man needs to get feedback on whether his moves and advances are accepted by the female
- If a single woman wants to establish equality, getting the tab is the wrong way to do that
- Dinner dating is a foreplay technique used by men to reach a new level of intimacy with the female
Modern dinner dating practices follow the pattern of a virtual dance, where the female attracts the potential partner and the later initiates the next dance move. As in dance, the female needs to follow her partner. For the dance to flow, the female will have to show resistance, but also follow the rhythm established by the lead of the man.
Simply put, in the next dinner dating experience, if you are a single woman, refrain yourself from pulling out your American Express credit card. Consequently, if you're a single man, make sure you’re ready to pay the check, regardless of whether the woman offers to pay.
Sources:
Crenshaw, T., 1997, The Alchemy of Love and Lust, New York: Pocket Books.
Down, M., 2005, "What's a Modern Girl to Do?", New York: New York Times.
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Iva Paneva - Iva Paneva is a freelance writer, actress and documentary filmmaker. Her writing career includes a range of conference and academic ...
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